Just another entry

The other night she woke up, started to sit up in bed.  Then she scooted toward the foot of the bed.  I asked her if she was ok, no response.  She laid down, away from her pillow and pulled the blankets over her and went back to sleep. Never said a word… Some nights that’s how it is. Some nights she moves so much she will actually turn sideways, taking up quite a bit of space on a bed, like a kid would.  Other nights she never seems to move, maybe a sound or two, but remains in the same position she was when she went to bed…

Then there was tonight. When I got there she was in bed but still awake.  She started to get up and I asked if she needed anything. She asked me who was here with here, I said Karen, your neighbor.  She said she was all alone, but I told her no, that her daughter was here. She asked if I was going to stay with her because she was alone. I said yes and she thanked me and said she didn’t know I cared so much about her.  “Of course I do.” And she took my hand and rested.  I don’t know at what point she finally fell asleep, I just know she did.

What goes through their mind...

I go to her house at the same time each night.  Sometimes she is already in bed, but other nights she is up watching her TV shows. She responds to them, you know, comments on something said, laughs a little and even asks a question or two.  Of course, other nights she just sits there.  Her daughter will ask if she’s ready for bed.  Sometimes she will say no, and then start to fall asleep in the chair. 

She can’t see very well at all, sometimes doesn’t even see me sitting in the room.  But she will always respond to you if you talk to her.  She also still notices outside noises, for instance, my cats follow me over sometimes.  It’s kind of funny. They meow at the door or window looking for me.  They are quite persistent.  She will look at the door and ask about the noise.  

What do people with Alzheimer's think about?  Are they trying to wrap their brain around reality? How does it feel to have people around you that you don't know any more?  

Why I said yes

When I was first asked to help, I wasn't sure it was something I could do.  There wasn't anything big stopping me, I mean, I have someone to stay home with my kids, I would only be sleeping and I would be home at the same time I wake up any other day.  But, I just wasn't sure about making the commitment.  I thought about the impact on my family and theirs.  I thought about the oddness of sleeping in someone else's home.   I thought about how they would have to put her in a facility and how they don't really want to.  I don’t know how to explain it, but at that moment a gentle touch came and I thought “I hope I never have to put my parents in a facility and would hope I could find a way to make it work at home.”  I realized that if doing this helps keep her home, even for a short while, then I’ll help as long as I can.  The family member that asked me said maybe she is avoiding the inevitable. I said that’s ok if she is. I told her that this way she will know for sure she tried everything.


I am not a superhero.  I do NOT have all the answers.  I just know that for now this is part of the journey I am on.   So for me, if this makes sense, I said yes for the family.

Nothing like the Word!

When I got to the house last night, Mrs. D was still awake.  She was picking up the newspaper, praying, responding to the TV program that was on, talking.  Her daughter said she had been very awake & alert all day and wasn’t ready for bed.  She didn’t recognize who I was, but was telling me about church and how we need to go.  The TV show was the Spanish version of TBN.  She just kept talking about the program, as if she was at the church service.  When asked if she was ready for bed, she said no and would sit down to continue watching TV.  She even told me that she is studying the word of God.  I was not going to argue with that one!  One time when she got up, she stood close to the TV and put her had on the top.  She raised her right hand, as if praying, or simply raising her hand to what the preacher was saying.  When the show was over, she was ready for bed.

Wonder what it would be like if every person with memory issues watched/listened to the Word of God all day?

What is the answer

my mom tells me that my grandmas’ friends’ mom had Alzheimer’s, only they didn’t have the diagnosis like today.  Back then they still called it old age, senile, something you live with.   My great-grandma was diagnosed with it.  She did OK living at home until she fell and hurt herself.  Falling becomes as issue for most older people in general and even more so for those with Alzheimer's. Once my Great-grandma was in the facility her mind went fast. Same with my grandma, well, both of my grandma's.  My mom’s mom had been in rehab for a broken hip when she started slipping away.  Never made it back home.  My dad’s’ mom got worse once my grandpa died and she had to go into a facility.

It’s a shame, the way we live today makes it difficult to take care of our elderly family. It leaves some having to put their loved ones in a facility, only the facility generally makes the mind worse. My great-aunt had some issues that got really bad when my great-uncle died.  She got to stay in the same place her brother is in for a little while, an assisted living.  Uncle J said they would get together all the time and laugh and talk for hours.  But then she started wandering, looking for home.  She was moved to the Alzheimer floor and got worse after that. 

So what IS the answer??  Staying at home with help or moving in with other family members takes its toll on the help.  Moving them to a facility is costly and often makes the disease progress faster.  Anyone have a solution or a story of success?

Shoulda...

One night when I got to the house, she was still awake and watching TV.  There was some music on and it’s kinda upbeat.  She smiled and stood up. Her feet started to move more and I realized she is dancing. I asked her if she likes the song. “Yes” she says, with a little giggle.  I found myself thinking I should get up and dance wither, but for whatever reason, I didn’t. I should have…

Food

tonight she woke up and actually got out of bed before I heard her.  She was talking about food, sometimes in Spanish, sometimes English. I asked her if she needed to go to the bathroom and started walking her there. On the way she starts talking about food, saying there isn’t any. She even mentioned something about her husband. Then she says it will be ok.  Getting her back into bed she sits for a moment, says she usually has food. I tell her it’s still night, dark out and that she will eat when she wakes up. She lies down, says “dear Jesus” prayerfully.  She didn’t go right back to sleep like usual. At one point I turned on my side.  She reached over, touched my shoulder and asked if I’m ok, if I got something to eat.  Yes, I tell her, I’m ok.  She goes back to sleep saying “OK Mija.” That’s what she calls me now, hasn’t said my name for sometime. Where is she? What does she think now?

Just a night

Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed going over to Mrs. D’s, and all I do to help is sleep.  How do people do it all day?  How do people take care of the elderly that can’t remember how to do the things of every day life? I knew there would be a sacrifice on my part, like tonight, my oldest isn’t feeling well.  Before I left, we started talking. Then I had to go.  And I wonder what she thought as I left.

Why? Why does Alzheimer’s have to happen? Tonight is just a night where I’d rather be able to just chill on my couch in my home and talk with my kids.  But I'm not. Tonight I will sleep in another bed in another house. And I will listen.  I will listen for Mrs. D to wake up.  I will wake up to her tossing in bed.  I will hear her cough. And maybe I will have to help her to the bathroom…or maybe I will just sleep.

Research shows...

So, I'm curious. I have been wondering why there are so many more people today that have Alzheimer's. Or has it always been this bad and we simply called it senility before? 

• Senile by definition - showing a decline or deterioration of physical strength or mental functioning, especially short-term memory and alertness, as a result of old age or disease.
• Alzheimer's by definition - a common form of dementia of unknown cause, usually beginning in late middle age, characterized by memory lapses, confusion, emotional instability, and progressive loss of mental ability. (2) a degenerative disease of the central nervous system characterized by premature senile mental deterioration.
• Dementia by definition - severe impairment or loss of intellectual capacity and personality integration, due to the loss of or damage to neurons in the brain. (2) a condition of deteriorated mentality often with emotional apathy.

Research shows care will cost 200 billion dollars this year; that 1 out of 7 people with Alzheimer's live ALONE; that 5.4 million people are suffering from the disease; and, in my opinion, that we are a little confused on what to call it.  Try looking up the differences online, it WON'T clear the matter up...

a new journey

A brief background. My neighbor called me the other day.  Her mom is in need of someone to help her at night so that the daughter staying there can sleep through the night. How do I explain.  Mrs. D has some dementia and some Alzheimer's.  Lately, anyone who has been staying home with her has not been able to sleep through the night.  Mrs. D gets up, confused, sometimes needs to use the bathroom.  The family member staying with her has not been able to get a good night sleep, often affecting them going to work.  So, they asked if I could help. I said yes. My job is to simply sleep at their house and help her if she wakes through the night.  I started July 9th and this is my journey...

First note - July 11
     Helping my elderly neighbor has been a recent change in my life.  I don't quiet know how to begin but feel a need to share this story.  Mrs. D has been a part of our life for the 22 years we have lived here. Her husband was too until he died.  But, before I go there, I wanted to go here - I find myself wondering why. Not questioning God, just wondering why people have to deal with such a terrible disease and what it might be that He wants us to learn.  When someone drifts away, slips into the unknown by way of dementia or Alzheimer's, there isn't much the person can do or remember.  How terrible to be in a place where you can no longer remember to take your medicine or go to the bathroom, or worse, remember who your friends and family are. So what's the deal? Is it for those of us that help? Is it another way God wants to humble us?