Until we meet again

My friend said it this way “My grandma has a new address.”  Mrs. D died Sunday morning, April 7.  She had been very quiet, sleeping a lot.  But there were times she would open her eyes and talk to whoever was in the room.  I had the chance to see her before her passing.  She looked right at me, as if she could really see who I was and just stared.  Then, as I said goodbye, she kissed my hand several times.

The family said her breathing was slowing, her time was near.  They stayed with her through the night.  Then she breathed out her final breath.  Her service is Friday.  I suppose this is my last entry on Watching Mrs. D.





It has been a little over 2 months since Mrs. D died.  I feel selfish saying this, but I miss our time, what little we had.

On another note, I am now seeing what can happen to someone after they have had a small stroke.  My Great-Uncle is in rehab right now, and I’ve noticed a few things.  One, just before the stroke, he has been really tired.  Yes, he is 88, but it seems to have come up fast.  And since the stroke, he laughs differently, almost childishly.  I’m not ready for another death…




This is Watching Mrs. D saying I hope you enjoyed reading, until next time ---

Sudden vs Waiting

I think I’m done.  Mrs. D stayed in a care facility, intended for rehab, for a few days.  But, she wasn’t eating very much, is very weak and lots of back pain.  The family isn’t doing well with this, especially the daughter that asked me to help out.  They all know what statistics show, people deteriorate so quick in these places.  So they brought her home instead, set up a hospital bed for her and hospice care.  She has moments where she is coherent, of course, what that means for her.  But she still isn’t eating.  Family and friends have been coming by daily, lots of them.  That’s good.  The family is surrounding her 24 hours a day now, rotating shifts, but not ever just one of them.  Saying goodbye is tough.  I don’t know which is harder, sudden death or knowing it’s coming.  Knowing allows people to say things, maybe even heal some wounds, but it’s not immediate and waiting can take its toll.  Not knowing though can be tough, especially if last words were harsh, or you never got around to telling your loved one something. 

I find myself thinking that maybe she is hanging on for one more person to say goodbye, like maybe someone hasn’t let go yet.  This isn’t how it was supposed to be.  This isn’t how the family wanted it. It just doesn’t make sense.  I don’t usually say things like this, but I need to, just this once….Why do young people die and old people have to deal with living with alz? Death is never easy, never… 

No Fair

One of the more frustrating things about getting older is our inability to recover as quickly from falls.  Often times this leads to being in a rehab facility, which can then lead to a long stay, even not getting out.  Add Alzheimer’s to the symptoms and it can change everything.  I watched my grandma go from just needing to recover from hip surgery to getting alz while in a facility.  She never got out.  Deteriorated so quickly.

Last night, Mrs. D fell.  She is in too much pain for her family to help her at home.  Can’t get up on her own and is having so much pain just to try to get to the bathroom.  So, they are taking her back to the hospital, and most likely will have to put her in a care facility.  Although no one wants to say it, she probably won’t get out.  She is already so advanced.  She doesn’t like being alone either.  And when she was alone before, she would get up in the middle of the night and wander.  Now what?  This is the part I don’t like, and will admit is not fair…I know, life isn’t fair, but this?  This is just…no fair.

Just dehydrated

She threw up last night, no warning.  I was just resting next to her when I heard a strange noise, pretty sure what it was.  I sat her up and got her daughter.  We got her cleaned up and changed her jammies.  She kept complaining that she hurts and she was cold.  Her family ended up taking her to the hospital, to be sure, because sometimes Mrs. D just doesn’t know how she feels.  They were worried it could be pneumonia because some of the pain was in her back & chest.  She was having some difficulty breathing too.  Ended up just being dehydration.  She isn’t eating much either.  I admit, while praying with her, I told her it’s ok to go home, that her family will be ok… because they will be…Is that wrong?

Our time is drawing near to an end...

She was awake tonight, watching TV again.  She keeps asking for her son in law.  We tell her he is at home.  She then says “oh, he’s normal, he’s all right,” and smiles.  Her daughter and her caregiver during the day said she has been asking about lots of family members.

She has been very tired lately, most of the time she is asleep when I get there. Her daughter said she has been constipated, longer this time.  Her appetite has decreased too.  I know our time is drawing closer to an end.  She is ready though, has been for a very long time.  

On a slightly different look at Alz, my mom and uncle went to visit my grandma one time. My mom had grabbed a picture of grandma and her 1^st husband to show Harold, my grandma’s 2^nd husband, because he had not seen them. They were at the side of her bed and she saw the photo of grandpa and as she touched his face she said, "He hasn't changed at all, he still looks the same." My mom & uncle were surprised that she recognized him and so mom showed her the photo of her and she touched her hair in the photo then touched hers and said "I like that much better." Of course she meant the color because she had dark almost black hair when she was younger.

We will ever fully understand the human brain, especially those with Alzheimer's.

Family...

She hasn’t been feeling well, tired, coughing.  Her doctor gave her an antibiotic thinking she might be getting pneumonia.  She coughed during the night a few times, but not enough to wake her up.  Funny how just 2 nights ago she was up moving around when I got there again, active, yet then she will be really tired, ready for bed by 8:30.  

I know I've said this before, but there are days it’s hard knowing I have to leave, especially when my oldest is home.  There is so much sacrifice made by the family members, I cannot even begin to imagine. For my family and me it’s just me not being home at night.  Sometimes I see the faces of my daughters’ when they know I have to leave, my youngest will be going to bed and say she doesn’t want me to go; my oldest is silent, but her face says it too.  My husband and son don’t say much, must be a guy thing :) .  I have told my youngest that it won’t be much longer, while I don’t really know when, I sense my time is almost finished, for whatever reason.

What do people do that can’t afford help at home, or cant afford a facility?  Something needs to change… 

Happy Birthday

She will be 88 on Wednesday, they had a birthday gathering today.  I went.  She was dressed up instead of just wearing her jammies or pants.  She doesn’t recognize me, in fact, not anyone that came really.  But, she knows we all belong.  She knows I belong, somehow, some way, I belong.  She walked around to everyone saying hi, and muttering a few other things, sometimes understandable, sometimes not.  She hugged, she touched.  She held my hands.  She ate some cake.  She moves around so well considering and is still very talkative, happy.  Its amazing to me, to watch, to listen.  Amazing to think that she is still pretty active since at night she is so tired.  The other day I was there a little early and she was watching TV.  I turned her show on and she immediately got up and started toward the TV, hands held up to pray and talk to the preacher.  What does she think?  What does she see?

Conversations with someone

Last night when I arrived, she was already in bed, but not asleep.  Something must have woken her, but no one knows for sure.  She is talking, but not to me.  She doesn't even acknowledge that I came in.  I realize the mind goes with Alzheimer's, but found myself thinking "she's having a conversation with someone."  She was gesturing with her hands, pointing to things, raising her arms.  Sometimes when she talked it was English, other times it was Spanish.  She mentioned the TV, something about "all we have," told someone they can't do something, and when I sneezed, she said "God bless you."

She talked for some time, much longer than usual.  At one point I saw 2am and she was still talking, although by then, she was slowing down, finally falling to sleep.  A few times she did ask me if I was OK, referring to me as Mija.

I wish I could just climb into her mind for a day, especially at times like last night, to learn more about what is going on, to see who she was talking to.  People may dismiss it as just part of the course of the disease, I like to think that maybe, just maybe she was talking with her Savior.

Talking to someone

Sometimes she talks through the nights. I can’t quite understand what she is saying, most of the time she speaks in Spanish and whispers.  There have been a few times that I will look at her to check on her and she is laying with her eyes open, just staring.  What is she saying?  Who is she talking to? What does she see? 

An interesting fact I found today at http://www.mdinfo.com/forums/156342/The_History_of_Alzheimers_disease “for those of you with day to day “brain fog” wondering if you may have Alzheimer’s, a simple rule of thumb:

Alzheimer’s is not when you keep forgetting where you left the keys. It’s when you forget how to USE the keys.”  Good to know. 

I don’t like the statistics for Alz. 

a night in October

I didn't post this back when it took place, truth is many of the entries are not in order.  I just post as I feel instead of focusing on chronological order.  This happened back in October...

For whatever reason, I decide to hook my little flashlight to my keys before heading over.  When I get there, everyone is in bed.  I open the door to Mrs. D’s room and I can tell she is not in bed.  I see blankets on the floor and can smell poop.  I thought the worst.  I turn on the flashlight and there she is, lying on the floor.  I get her daughter and tell her she’s on the floor.  The daughter and her friend come in and help her up.  She’s fine.  For some reason she got out of bed and decided to lay down on the floor.  Said it’s not the first time.  Glad it wasn’t my 1^st thought…