Sudden vs Waiting

I think I’m done.  Mrs. D stayed in a care facility, intended for rehab, for a few days.  But, she wasn’t eating very much, is very weak and lots of back pain.  The family isn’t doing well with this, especially the daughter that asked me to help out.  They all know what statistics show, people deteriorate so quick in these places.  So they brought her home instead, set up a hospital bed for her and hospice care.  She has moments where she is coherent, of course, what that means for her.  But she still isn’t eating.  Family and friends have been coming by daily, lots of them.  That’s good.  The family is surrounding her 24 hours a day now, rotating shifts, but not ever just one of them.  Saying goodbye is tough.  I don’t know which is harder, sudden death or knowing it’s coming.  Knowing allows people to say things, maybe even heal some wounds, but it’s not immediate and waiting can take its toll.  Not knowing though can be tough, especially if last words were harsh, or you never got around to telling your loved one something. 

I find myself thinking that maybe she is hanging on for one more person to say goodbye, like maybe someone hasn’t let go yet.  This isn’t how it was supposed to be.  This isn’t how the family wanted it. It just doesn’t make sense.  I don’t usually say things like this, but I need to, just this once….Why do young people die and old people have to deal with living with alz? Death is never easy, never…